


A short look into the mind of Sirius Black

by Pureblood_Muggle, SAYS



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, POV Sirius Black, Slice of Life, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 23:32:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15873957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pureblood_Muggle/pseuds/Pureblood_Muggle, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SAYS/pseuds/SAYS
Summary: For Jessi - Sirius, like Ogres, is much like an onion. There’s more to him than just a pretty face.





	A short look into the mind of Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> Jessi, my dear, I’m honoured to write this for you, though I’m pretty much ignoring all your prompts LOL. Nevertheless, I hope you will enjoy this brief venture into the enigma that is Sirius Black. 
> 
> With much love from me, to you!

1 st Year

11 year old Sirius Black was unceremoniously rushed through King’s Cross Station in London. He was excited to finally start at Hogwarts, but apprehensive, too. Only a little bit, mind, and he wouldn’t ever tell anyone out loud, but there was a smidgeon of fear of the unknown. Both his parents had, of course, sung the praises of Slytherin House. Something Sirius was tired of hearing. Slytherin was the best. Slytherin was superior. Slytherin, the proud house of Purebloods, as it should be. 

Sirius wasn’t so sure though. He’d once said so to his mother and received such a severe punishment that he didn’t repeat that mistake in a hurry. He kept it all to himself, even as they’d made their way to the train station this morning, he was admiring the Muggle motorcycles and cars. They looked exciting and worthy of investigation. His parents would never allow it though.

He was also a little bit sad that he knew he was leaving his little brother behind. Regulus wasn’t bad as a brother as it were, he reflected. He could, quite honestly, be great fun. He was a worthy partner playing a little round of Quidditch whenever they went to relatives in the country where there was space to play, and he was beginning to get the hang of wizard chess also. What worried Sirius, was that Regulus was a sensitive child who did anything in his power to avoid conflict. It often meant that he went along with plans that he didn’t agree with, just to keep the peace. 

Sirius looked across to Regulus and sent him a small grin. Their parents hustled them through the barrier and the sight of the scarlet steam engine nearly took his breath away. 

“It is not becoming to gawp like a common Muggle,” his mother promptly chastised. 

“Yes, mother,” Sirius replied instantly, putting a mask on his face like he always did when he strived to contain his feelings lest his parents took offense. 

“Son, Hogwarts will be a wonderful place for you. You will do well in Slytherin like all our family has in the past and no doubt will continue to do in the future. We shall be waiting on your first owl home.” His father placed Sirius’ trunk in front of him and stood tall, eyeing the other families with an air of superiority. 

Sirius nodded dutifully and then turned to Regulus again. “See you at Christmas, Reg.” He ruffled his younger brother’s hair and Regulus ducked away, also grinning. 

He boarded the train not long after, and found a compartment to sit with fellow First Years.

*

Christmas had never been a joyful affair in the Black household. It was a time not to be merry, but to visit relatives and one-up each other, bragging about their children’s achievements at Hogwarts, their presents (the more expensive the better), and generally just showing off. The only really fun memories Sirius has had of Christmas had always involved sneaking into Reg’s room after bedtime and playing or chatting a bit longer. 

This Christmas, he was sure, was going to be the worst yet.

He’d become the disappointment of the Black family. He’d gone and got himself sorted into Gryffindor and broken the long standing tradition of Slytherins in the family. His parents, he supposed, would’ve been able to oversee that fault in him. After all, he had good grades in all his subjects. But then, of course, he’d gone and made friends with James Potter, he of Potter’s Sleakeazy Potion fame and openly Muggle-loving. That’s not to mention his other friends, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. One, according to his father, a filthy half-blood, the other of no worthy note in the wizarding community. 

As a rule, Sirius loved to be right. But once Christmas came and went that year, he was sure that being right was way overrated. 

It had been an even more dismal affair than he’d thought. He’d gone from paraded and pampered heir of the family to someone who was invited only because they had to, like a distant uncle nobody liked but hadn’t the bad form not to open the door to. After that disastrous day, he even had a fitful dream of being blasted off the family tree like his cousin Andromeda had when he was small, because she’d fallen in love with a  _ Mudblood.  _ Sirius hated that word. He’d met several Muggle-born witches and wizards throughout Hogwarts and found they were just like any other student there. Plus, they had really cool facts on cool stuff like Motorcycles. Another thing his parents loathed.

Regulus had been the one paraded around that Christmas and his little brother had blossomed under his parents’ undivided attention. If Sirius didn’t know any better, he’d even wagered that his little brother walked with a swagger now. He’d always been so eager to please, and so malleable. Sirius hoped that his brother would see the wider world with open eyes like he himself did, once released from their parents’ clutches and part of Hogwarts.

 

2 nd Year

It had been inevitable, Sirius thought, on reflection. The summer had been difficult. His parents had all but ignored him except for their meals which were always formal, and only the best manners were acceptable. He’d been forbidden to write to Remus and Peter. So he’d sent messages in invisible ink to them, on the back of letters sent to James. 

The day his parents went to Diagon Alley to finally buy Reg his first wand, he’d managed to stay at home. At first, his parents bristled at the idea of him opposing a trip they decreed necessary. On second thought though, his mother decided that this way they wouldn’t need to publicly face the shame of their Gryffindor son. They would simply bring Sirius’ new books and supplies home with them. New robes, which he would obviously need because no Black could be seen without the latest fashion, would be ordered as well.

Sirius was busy that day, nonetheless. He sat in his room and studied a Transfiguration book he’d found in his father’s study. Sirius was a capable wizard, and Transfiguration came easy to him. He just needed the instructions. It took two hours and five tries, but his whole room was changed by the time his parents and Regulus had returned that night. 

He smiled happily at his now maroon curtains. It looked cosy and resembled the Gryffindor colours so well, he almost felt like he was back at Hogwarts already. He couldn’t wait! His parents, not at all impressed with his magical ability beyond his 12 years, grounded him to his room for the rest of summer.

And now, his little brother did the only thing he knew to do: He got himself sorted into Slytherin. His parents had been so proud, not a week later, a parcel arrived with the latest broom, a Nimbus 2001. Regulus was beyond happy, and his popularity in Slytherin skyrocketed. Sirius could feel his brother slip away by the day. 

They’d never been as close as some other siblings he’d met. But they were brothers, and he loved him anyway. They’d made memories, some good, some bad, but they were their memories and he didn’t regret any of them. Seeing Regulus happy, and content made Sirius happy. However, it also made him sad to know that things were changing more than ever and that change didn’t go into a good direction. He missed his brother. 

To the world in general, it looked like Sirius didn’t care. Only James knew the truth, but neither boy spoke of it.

 

3 rd Year

He didn’t think he could fall any lower in the eyes of his parents, and felt a tiny thrill of satisfaction when his indifferent father visibly started at Sirius’ choice to study Muggles. He’d been subjected to a tirade of lectures about not needing Muggle Studies because he wasn’t a Muggle, never would be, and wouldn’t associate with any as long as he lived under the Black roof. 

He might have been sorted into Gryffindor, but he was still a Black at heart, even if his teenage, confused, brain rebelled currently. It would only be a matter of time before Sirius was going to see the truth and follow tradition just like his wonderful, superior brother Regulus had already done at a much younger age.

Sirius kept his mask firmly in place but was rattled anyway. He’d known his parents wouldn’t be ecstatic about it, after all, he’d partly chosen the subject to vex them, and didn’t it work just perfectly? It didn’t make it hurt less though, seeing the disappointment in his parents’ eyes. They were supposed to love him anyway, weren’t they? From what he’d heard of James’ parents, his own were certainly lacking whatever it was parents were supposed to have.

His third year began much as his second year had ended. With his three best friends around him on the Hogwarts Express. They were careful to find a compartment only to themselves and made sure to cast privacy spells around them before sharing what had happened over the summer. He was particularly interested in Remus’ time off because he now knew his friend had, as James coined it, a furry little problem. They’d finally figured it out during their Easter holidays of their second year, and Sirius thought he didn’t know anyone else as brave as Remus, facing it every month, alone at that. 

His father’s lecture popped into his head as he listened to James talk about his Quidditch practise over the summer and an incident with an unfortunate Muggle girl who’d come across him as his Quaffle crossed the magical boundary of his parents’ garden. He was laughing along with the rest of them at James’ imitation of her screams and flailing arms, but it felt hollow to him. It wasn’t the first time he’d felt jealous of his friends. The house of Black was noble, but nobility came at a price. Noble did not mean nice, nor did it mean fun, or happy.

That year, he defied his parents openly for the first time: For Christmas he’d decided to stay at Hogwarts instead of facing being shamed and lectured at home. James had surprised him then, and insisted he come to his house and together they forged Walburga’s signature and handed a permission slip to the new caretaker, Argus Filch, and boarded the Hogwarts Express. His brother Regulus looked like Christmas had indeed come a few days early. Sirius was sure he’d blab to his parents at the first opportunity. So he and James hid in the train’s bathroom on approach to King’s Cross and used a bit of handy Transfiguration to change Sirius’ appearance just enough to get past his parents should Regulus have blabbed.

Christmas at the Potters was the best he’d ever had. He now knew what family was supposed to be like, and decided that James, even 

though their blood relation was several large degrees apart, was his brother he didn’t know he needed.

It was only at night that he felt overwhelmed by it all. It shouldn’t have been James’ parents who made him feel worthy. It should’ve been his own. It was a bitterness he strived to conceal from those around him. He figured they didn’t deserve a surly teenager and didn’t want to be seen as ungrateful for being there.

 

4 th Year

By his fourth year, the bitterness of being the disappointment of his family had, for the most part, been replaced by the utter happiness of having the best friends in the world. Well, okay, James had gone a bit loopy in the head because recently, he’d done nothing much but talk about Lily Evans, but he’d still managed to have fun with them all and explore Hogwarts like they’d never had before. 

Work had truly begun on their legacy. They’d been writing a book. Their own  _ Hogwarts, A History _ by  _ The Marauders _ . Together, with the help of James’ invisibility cloak that his father had passed on to him for Christmas, they’d explored more of Hogwarts than ever before. They’d found secret passage ways, odd corridors, ways to challenge each other to go further and higher than ever dared in the previous three years.

Life was good, finally, besides one thing. They all decided that, while their adventures were all good and dandy, they wanted to do more to help their friend, Remus. It was Peter who’d come up with the idea that would change all their lives in the end. He’d read something during his summer holidays while working on a DADA assignment. Apparently, werewolves were automatically attracted to humans and human blood but ignored animals. He’d pointed out how their Transfiguration professor, Minerva McGonagall, could turn into a cat at will, and how cool it would be if they, too, could do just that. Because then they could keep Remus company. 

He was mostly joking because he wasn’t able to see how on Earth they’d be able to manage it, but both James and Sirius had jumped on that idea with such great enthusiasm, Remus gave up discouraging them by the time their fourth year was half-way through. Sirius hoped that Remus was, despite his reservation about their efforts of becoming illegal and unregistered Animagi, happy that they’d eventually, hopefully, be able to be with him during his difficult full moon days.

It appeared that Remus wasn’t the only one admitting defeat as his parents had no objections to Sirius spending most of his holidays at the Potters now. His mother still tried to remove his posters of Muggle women in bikinis, some draped sexily across motorcycles, off his walls, not to mention the Gryffindor banners, but he’d stuck them there with permanent sticking charms, and nothing would remove them.    
As it turned out, they merely sent the required galleons to him at the Potters in time to shop for his school supplies. During the summer before his 5 th year, there wasn’t even a note attached anymore.

 

5 th Year

Girls, he had to admit, were wonderful creatures - up to a point. After the summer between his fourth and fifth year, they seemed to have noticed that he had grown not only in height but also filled in his shoulders along with all other bits. The gangly boyish looks had been replaced by those of a young man, his voice was always deep now, and he didn’t even need to try to get them to flock to him. He revelled in his new-found popularity. He’d always been popular, but a different kind. James had been impressed, Peter awed, and Remus simply shook his head with a grin. 

He hadn’t meant to hurt those girls, but by the time he realised that a few stolen kisses in alcoves that meant nothing but temporary fun to him, meant a lot more to the girls in question, he’d broken a fair few hearts and gained a reputation of a player. He would’ve laughed at that had he then not found himself in a position of prey to those girls who were sure they could tame him and make him stay. 

James did laugh along with Peter and Remus remarked that it was his own bleeding fault for being so callous with girls’ feelings.

Sirius scoffed at that but stopped kissing girls just for the fun of it. Well, mostly. But he was careful from then on to make it crystal clear from the outset that he wasn’t looking for a long-term relationship. He figured it was their own fault for not believing him. He never lied to any of them.

As it was, dates were few and far between, as it was a busy year for the boys. Not only did they have O.W.L.s at the end to study for, they also had made such great progress that in January of that year, they’d finally done it. They’d successfully become Animagi. Sirius could now transform at will into a black, shaggy dog. James into a large brown stag, and Peter into a portly rat.

Remus, for his part, had figured out another gem while the other three worked on becoming Animagi: he’d worked more on their legacy and had had the idea to, in addition to writing a history book (or rather, a memoir of sorts of their adventures) to take all the places they’d found and put them on a map. So they did, and it took many hours of work, but not only did they begin to fashion a map, they even managed to charm it so that it showed the staircases moving, and added known passwords to secret passageways as they found them. 

In the weeks after their O.W.L.s Remus had even found a way to incorporate the  _ Homenum Revelio  _ spell to show every person, even ghosts, who roamed the castle at any one time. Over time, it had become so accurate, they wished they could show the world what they had achieved. As it was though, they kept it quiet and put protection spells on it, on top of their password. 

On the last night of their fifth year, right after Sirius took the mickey out of James for yet again doodling JP and LE into a heart on the margin of one of his books, they’d had a little ceremony for their map. 

They’d gone down to the Shrieking Shack, the place where they’d met the last four full moons, transformed into their Animagi forms, and keeping Remus company, so they’d have full privacy. That night, they’d put their names on it, and called it the Marauder’s Map, and used their secret nicknames: Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs to lay claim to it. 

At the end, they sealed it with a toast and some smuggled Firewhiskey that none of the boys had ever had before. All their eyes watered, and they coughed but in the end, they knew their bond was now as unbreakable as if they’d sworn such a vow. 

Sirius knew, without a doubt, that these friends were his real family. The bitterness of his own family’s displeasure with him was dimmed, yet still there. He tried hard to convince himself that it didn’t matter, that their opinion of him didn’t matter, but deep down, somehow, it still hurt.

 

6 th Year

During the summer between fifth and sixth year, the proverbial had hit the fan at the Black house. There was more and more unrest among the Wizarding population, people were forced to chose sides as a wizard, known to all by the name Voldemort yet with a reputation so dark that hardly anyone dared speak his name, came to more and more power. The elderly amongst the ranks whispered about history repeating itself, how there hadn’t been this much fear since the defeat of Grindlewald in 1945.

Sirius’ parents were excited by the prospect of what this Dark Lord promised. Finally, there was a wizard who wasn’t afraid to say what they all thought. Finally, there was a wizard who promised to make Wizardkind great again.

Regulus was lapping it all up like a starved puppy. His parents were firmly in his head, and the friends he’d made at Hogwarts were all supporting the same thing. Sirius, for his part, saw the fear it all brought to his friends and classmates in Gryffindor. He’d seen some being comforted by their friends after the Dark Lord and his followers, who called themselves Death Eaters, had attacked their families. Families who, truth be told, were worth ten of his own. Their only fault was not being of pure blood.

Sirius had finally snapped. He’d tried, one last time, to convince his brother Regulus that he was better than that, better than the hatred, the prejudice, the racism. Of course, it didn’t work, Regulus was beyond listening now. The years of conditioning him to his parents’ way of thinking weren’t to be erased by a few words of his older, rebellious, disgraced brother. 

Much as he hated to admit it, it had hurt all over again. He’d stormed away into his own room after that row attracted his parents who set on to berate him yet again, and packed his bags and left the house for the last time.

The Potters welcomed him with open arms, hot cocoa, and quiet understanding. They didn’t pry, didn’t question him, just accepted him as their own, and began calling him the son they never dreamed of having, but were glad he arrived all the same. Sirius cried himself to sleep that night in his room, grateful to have found such warm welcome in his refuge, and loathing that his own blood, his family, had turned on him so severely for being a decent human being.

He found out the next day that his parents had blasted his name off the family tree. Andromeda Tonks, his equally disowned cousin had written to him, extending a hand in friendship should he ever have the need.

To his big surprise, even his uncle Alphard, Sirius’ mother’s eternal bachelor brother, had sent a note to say he was sorry he hadn’t been around more, and not to let his bigoted sister get the better of him. He went on to say he was proud of him to have stood up for himself, something he himself regretted not to have done in all his years. Sirius, he’d said, was an inspiration and to be commended.

Sirius had replied to them both with gratitude, and a promise to come visit over the next holidays. A promise he fulfilled with his cousin Andromeda, who had a boisterous toddler girl who could change her appearance at will – though her father, Ted, joked that it wasn’t always intentional when slight mishaps occurred and little Nymphadora frightened herself with her new mirror image.   

He’d had great aspirations to visit his uncle Alphard also, but the man had died before Halloween of his 6 th year. It was yet another affirmation for Sirius that his family would abandon him. That was, until he received a letter to confirm that his uncle had changed his will only this summer gone to make him the main heir since he lacked his own. Sirius was now wealthy enough to live comfortably without having to rely on the Potters’ generosity. 

Nevertheless, Sirius had changed. Having been disowned by his own family, having lost Regulus as a brother, and being the object of blatant hatred from most of Slytherin took its toll on him. He tried hard to keep a mask in place, and besides James who knew for sure, and Remus who worried, and Peter who didn’t know what to make of his friend, it was obvious to almost everyone that he’d become more reckless in recent months. 

Detentions were more numerous, and for silly things like openly taunting and hexing Slytherins, especially Severus Snape. That boy had been putting his abnormally large nose into their business for years now. He was hell-bent on finding out about Remus, he and his friends all knew, and they also knew that that would mean the end of Remus at Hogwarts as they knew it. Word couldn’t go out about his lycanthropy. Really, Sirius figured, Snape had it coming. He was going to scare the last few wits out of his slimy brain, and they’d all laugh at it. 

Except that it didn’t turn out that way. Sirius had been set upon by the slimy git once too many times and he’d snapped and told Snivellus exactly what he wanted to hear. He’d told him where Remus went and how to get there. By the time Snivellus was there, he figured, they’d all be there, transformed as Animagi, and chasing him back away before Remus could attack him. Yet, he’d be so scared he’d probably wet himself. Sirius couldn’t wait.

What Sirius didn’t count on was that the greasy boy would follow Remus too early. Remus had already transformed but Sirius and his friends hadn’t quite gone down yet. They had been on their way, using their map to guide them through the halls without detection when James spotted Snape’s name going into the same direction but quite a distance in front of them. 

James had cursed loudly and thrown all caution to the wind when it became obvious Snape was actually heading for the Whomping Willow. Sirius and Peter were slower to react, but by the end of that night, Snape had been patched up by Madam Pomfrey who confirmed that Remus hadn’t actually managed to bite him and that all his injuries were superficial and that he was damn lucky.

James had been commended by Dumbledore for his bravery at rescuing the Slytherin boy, he’d also praised Peter for helping James and raising the alarm with the Headmaster. Sirius, for his part, had been transformed and led Remus’ wolf form away from the melee, yet couldn’t tell Dumbledore the truth in fear of being expelled and incarcerated as an illegal Animagus. 

Dumbledore, Sirius was sure, knew that he didn’t tell the truth. It was the first time Sirius outright lied to a teacher and it didn’t make him feel any better. It didn’t even matter if he was expelled so long Remus was safe and secure here. His friend mattered a lot more than he did, because Sirius knew that his friend was by far better and more deserving than him. He’d never regretted anything more in his life.

7 th Year

The start of his seventh year was by far the most difficult to date. Remus and his friendship had taken a large knock, and the trust they once shared was clearly gone. He’d not allowed any contact with Sirius all summer. Sirius had made it his mission to apologise to Remus in any way possible, and by the third week gentle, quiet Remus had shouted at him in the middle of the Great Hall to just shut up and that it was  _ fine _ and he’d accept it all so long he would bloody well stop harassing him.

He did as he was asked and the four of them were once again found together as they were wont to do. To the outside observer, they were as close as ever. To the people who knew them well, however, there was a noticeable strain remaining and their once careless banter often turned to banter that was not quite as carefree.

The dynamics had changed anyway with James being appointed Head Boy that year along with the girl he desperately wanted to know better, Lily Evans. There had long been bets about how long it would take for James to finally stop lusting after her. It was a big surprise to some when, against all odds, the two Head students went and buried their grudges, began a tentative friendship that went beyond courteous greetings in hallways, and eventually, quietly, began dating just after their Christmas break.

Many Galleons changed hands the next morning when the whole school became aware. Sirius was very happy for his friend and hoped that he, unlike himself, would be able to give his heart fully to the redhead. He liked Lily a great deal and hoped they’d make each other happy for a long time.  

 

Post Hogwarts

Their graduation following their NEWTs was nothing if not spectacular. Adults, they were now considered adults, never mind that they had been of age for over a year now. Their last farewell, no matter how above it all they were making themselves out to be, they all became really still and choked up when they sailed away across calm waters, looking back at Hogwarts for the final time as it disappeared around the cliffs behind them. It was a bittersweet moment. Their lives awaited them, but who knew what that would bring now that the safe walls of Hogwarts didn’t protect them anymore.

Sirius, along with his three best friends, Lily, and a few select others in their year, had been asked to join an organisation headed by Dumbledore. The Order of the Phoenix. None of them had to think twice about agreeing to actively fight Voldemort. 

James and Sirius decided to fully dedicate themselves to the cause. Remus did also, but it wasn’t much of a choice since his prospects were all but non-existent due to his condition. Peter, for his part, worked at the Magical Menagerie in Diagon Alley between his assignments. 

Their first Christmas out of Hogwarts, they all congregated at the Potters’ where James, looking uncharacteristically nervous, proposed to Lily in front of his parents and friends. Much to everyone’s relief, she agreed to marry him and the celebrations were wonderful. They didn’t waste much time at all and by early spring 1979, they married in a small ceremony surrounded by their nearest and dearest. 

Even though Voldemorts powers seemed to rise no matter what they did to fight against him, life seemed to be good. Sirius and James went on many missions together, relishing the adrenaline rush it inevitably brought. They were alive, they were fighting a good cause, and they would win. They had to, the alternative was too horrible to even contemplate.    
  
It came as a shock later on in the year. Really, logic would dictate, at their advanced ages it really shouldn’t have come as a shock at all, but it did, as death was wont to do. James’ parents, and in many aspects the only adults who were ever true parents to Sirius also, died within days of each other of Dragon Pox. James and Sirius both felt like their floor was pulled out from under them. Their funerals were sombre occasions and neither new how they would’ve got through that dark week of their lives nearly as well had it not been for Lily holding the fort so to speak. She kept them fed and watered, let them grieve in peace and didn’t do anything other than be present for them both. 

A few weeks after the Potter’s deaths, just as James and Sirius were getting back to their Order missions, Lily announced that she was pregnant. It should’ve been a joyous thing, really. And it was. James was over the moon, naturally.    
But with the war around them, it was mostly scary. Not only did they all worry about Lily anyway with her being Muggleborn, not to mention the attacks near her own parents’ homes in recent times, but now she was doubly vulnerable carrying her and James’ child. 

When news reached Sirius that his brother Regulus, who he knew had enlisted with the Death Eaters, had been killed and that his own father also died shortly after that, he felt numb. He didn’t feel the same despair as when the Potters died. In some ways, he felt guilty for not feeling the same anguish. It was then that he knew he wasn’t a Black, aside from in name only. And he felt doubly guilty for feeling proud of that. 

In the summer of 1980, just before Lily was due, Dumbledore had come to them all and told them about a prophecy concerning a child born at the end of July. He wasn’t fully sure which child exactly, but he cautioned James and Lily to be wary as the birth of their child approached. 

When Harry James Potter joined the world in the early hours of July 31 st 1980, the whole Order celebrated. Life, Dumbledore said, must be celebrated in all its glory, and the love a new life brought into everyone’s hearts was worth the fight they all continued in order to secure their future.

For over a year, they took it in turns to watch over Lily, working in shifts and putting protection spells onto their house. It was only in September of 1981 when it became obvious beyond any doubt that Voldemort had indeed learned of that prophecy and that he had focused on Harry that they decided action needed to be taken. 

It took a month for Dumbledore to convince both James and Lily to go into hiding. He’d suggested the  _ Fidelius Charm _ , it would hide them from all but their friends, and only their Secret Keeper would be able to divulge their address. All others, even knowing the details, would be physically incapable to do it. He suggested to do it himself but James had insisted it being Sirius.

Sirius, for his part, was flattered, but argued time and again, that Voldemort knew through his parents that he was close to James. He argued further that that would make Sirius a target without delay and that it would make much more sense for them to use Peter as Secret Keeper. Quiet, unassuming Peter, who nobody would suspect and even if they did, they’d all be there to defend him and save him.

Reluctantly, the James and Lily agreed and the  _ Fidelius Charm _ was put upon their house, one week before Halloween 1981. For further security, and partly because Sirius suspected Remus to be the snitch in the Order, nobody else was made aware of their changed plans.

By lunchtime of November 1 st 1981, when Sirius Black sat hunched, dirty, and anguished in his new cell in Azkaban prison for a mass murder he hadn’t committed, he pulled his hair and screamed at the walls. He jumped up and punched the filthy stonework as the bone-chilling cold overcame him when the Dementors closed in on his cell to feast on his misery. 

He may not have killed those Muggles in the street when he’d confronted Peter, but in his heart he knew he had killed his best friend and his wife. Not directly, but indirectly by insisting that it be Peter who kept their secret. For so long, he’d thought it was Remus who was the snitch they all knew was in their ranks. Poor Remus. Again, he’d done him a disservice. Maybe he deserved being in here. Maybe he deserved his punishment. It surely wouldn’t have surprised his parents had they still been alive. Even his brother had gotten himself killed when he apparently had got cold feet. You didn’t quit being a Death Eater at a whim. There really was only one way out.

For a while, Sirius let the misery consume him. It was dark in his cell and easy to let his mind run where it wanted. He couldn’t quite determine how much time had gone by when he had a rare moment of clarity. He’d get out of here, one day. He’d get out and he’d avenge them. He’d find Peter, and he’d kill him and commit that murder he was falsely convicted of.

He curled up on his bunk, transformed into Padfoot, and dreamed of chasing a squirrel.


End file.
